Chapter 5 Being Different

These days I just realize that I’m totally different with the others, especially with people around me

"When I want something, people don't want that thing. When people want something, I don't want that thing"

It happens mostly in my life, I mean like what’s on my mind is totally different with others mind. I know that nobody exactly same, even identical twins must have something different. We couldn’t blame people who don’t have a same mind, demand, and expectation with us. God created us in a different ways, place, time, and condition. All that only we can do is just follow our desire or just be fake.

When I was a teenagers (the ages below 17) I don’t want being different. I had to do the same ways like my friend did. At that ages, I felt like being different was such a disgrace, so I prefer be fake than be freak. I would rather not go to somewhere than going to by myself. I would rather hold my desire than I have to do that with by myself. That was I thought when I was at that ages.

After the time goes by and especially when I was live in Singapore, my mind is changing a lot. Singapore is individualist country, they have a line like this “Mind Your Own Business”. That line means no matter what we do is absolutely none of your business. In Singapore people could do whatever they want to do, they can sit in cafe or restaurant, they could watching in movie theater , and they could walk around in shopping mall or park by themselves. So I used to be like that enjoying my quality time by myself. When my friend couldn’t make it with me I just go out by myself, when I am so curious about one movie and nobody wants to watch it. I know that sounds weird, but I did it. I did the things that nobody wants to do that by themselves.

Since I moved to Bandung, everything was totally different. In here being alone without company is odd. Most of my friend really shock when I told them that I used to go out by myself if I need something and nobody wants to company me. They think it’s pathetic and odd, but I’m deal with it. Which is I mention that I’m different with the others so mostly when I asked them to company me to go to somewhere, they couldn’t make it. I don’t know why, sometimes I just asked them to company me to watch movie, eat something, or just hang out and they have so many reason to refuse me. I have no idea, is there something wrong with me or it’s them. Sometimes I feel it’s not fair, I mean like when they asked me to company them and I think it’s not a big deal to do that and hoping that in other time they will company me when I need them, but mostly they couldn’t make it when I asked them.

The reason why I came back to Indonesia and take a degree here is to having a truly friend and not being individualistic anymore. But I’m wrong, nobody care with me here, I mean they even don’t want to sacrifice to me by company me. Indonesia used to known as a country whose having a most friendly people, but I don’t see it anymore even my own relative. I have a lot friends and relatives in Jakarta but nobody seems could help me when I need them, they are too busy with their own business. I don’t blame them, I just shock knowing that this is Indonesia nowadays. Then I thought that I’d rather be in Singapore if the condition just exactly same. That is why I regret with myself by not just take a degree in Singapore.

Unfortunately, I used to be taking care of myself by myself, so I don’t mind if they are too busy to company me. So now, I do what I want to do with or without company, and I don’t care what people say about me. I don’t afraid anymore for being different and odd.

The lesson is never count on people and waits them, just do it by yourself. And never be afraid for being different

Chapter 4 He is The First Guy

The reason i put a short story about adit is he made a long story which is I have to make our story in one chapter.

I never thought that he would made one of my chapter in my life.........

My family moved to Singapore in the early of 2007, I’m excited about that, but I never expect much (I mean the love things). I just want to do different things in my life; I knew that there is will be much opportunity.

Who is he?

"His name is Adit. Actually he is my childhood friend when i was about 3 years old, in Nashville.

My father took me and my mom to Nashville, Tennessee, USA, because he is in his master program. In the same things, his father was in his master program too. So here we were, waiting for our daddy studying his master. Actually, i didn't really remember him, i just remember when we were playing in the sand and our moms were talking each other while we were playing. That's all i had in my mind"

The first day i came to school is the first time i saw him. He's cute, tough. He must be the number one in this school, i said to my mind. In fact he wasn't, nothing special with him., i like him actually, but never expect much.

The day when we are in outdoor to that class mid things , he came to me and we were talking much from A to Z., and then we're together.

Everybody said to me that never be with him, he's such a player. But i'm really in love, i like him so badly, he made my day. We went to school together, he waited me in the bus stop which i usually getting off from the bus, and we walked together to school, such a beautiful day. He is the first boy who ever hold my hand warmly, hug me tight, and kissed me gently. I've never in such a happiness like that. After school finished we used to go to somewhere ; KFC, MCD, Ya Kun Kaya Toast, His house or even to Library. He teach me mandarin and english, then i teach him math.

I felt like we're the sweetest couple, we're always together. I didn't stay in dance class just because i just wanna be with him. He always kissed me in my cheek and forehead when i'm about leaving the bus stop.

Everything in my life seems so perfect at that time, until i have to realize that he's gonna move to Jakarta, because his father has to move. The sad things is, he's gonna move to Jakarta after i just came like 4 months. We really like each other at that time, and don't know what we supposed to do. We decided to try a long distance relationship, we could come visit each other. One thing is he told me that his mom was sick, she's got lungs cancer and she has to do the chemo things. I didn't know what's in my mind at the time about LDR things, i just wanna be with him no matter we're far away, i really in love with him. He treats me like a princess. Before he leaving he bought me a bunny doll so i won’t forget him.

Until the day had come, the day he would be far away from me. I feel numb, feel nothing, scared, and so sorrow. I have to pretend that i'm okay, because there are so many people there, my mom and dad was there too. Luckily i have my friend accompany me her name is Cinta ( cinta is one of my Indonesian friend ), she had to skipped her class just to be with me. That night i went to bed earlier and cried all night long, scared that his heart would change.

One thing that i like about him that i learn a lot from this relationship, he teach me english ( we're always use english when we're chatting and texting ), he correct my english. He told me that how lucky i am that my mom is alright, he teach me how to appreciate and love my mom as long as she still exist. He teach me how to enjoy this life, and don't take it too seriously because we just live once. "Just enjoy what you have now, baby" he said to me.

Our relationship isn't that always sweet, we fighted, we were cranky, we mad, i cried, forgiveness and then come a sweet chapter in our life story after a great fight. Once, he asked me to looking another boyfriend to cheer me up when he wasn't around , but i never wanted a new boyfriend.

'I JUST WANNA HIM, GOD.. Why is this so difficult?"

We've been through a hard time, but we made it. Until the time, I was in school break, I went to Jakarta just to visit him. I said to my parents that i need to go to the dentist, salon, my private math teacher and bla bla bla. Meet him isn't that easy, our home such a far away, Jakarta isn't like Singapore. In Singapore, no matter how far our home we could still meet each other, there are subway and busses, and Singapore isn't that large too. I have to wait about 1 week just to meet him, i mean his family condition wasn't good at that time, his mom was getting sicker and worst, and his father was freaking out because of everything. Until that night he texted me, and said that he was hopeless to meet me, because of his family condition were getting worst. I cried that night in my best friend room, Fifi ( fifi is my best friend since elementary/primary school). I mean i was freaking out too, i had come here just because of him, and now he just saying that he was hopeless, what the hell is that. My older cousin picked me up from fifi's house that night and she said that is it okay if we were going to grab a coffee. Ok then, i said. At that time, i just can't talk too much, i was so blue, until my cousin and his boyfriend (now husband) ask me what happened. I almost cried when i told everything, then my cousin's boyfriend told me that he will take me to bintaro to meet him.

Gosh, god sent me a hero, i was really glad and then i called him, and he said yes.

I've got a lot of butterfly in my stomach, i was really nervous, scared, and happy, and it just likes rujak.

Finally we've meet, i hug him like crazy, he was bold at that time and i didn't really care.

And from that day we meet each other easily

From that day we promise that we would have to through this relationship and never say B word

When school break was over i came back to Singapore, we keep texting, chatting, and calling.

Until the February had come, his mother was dying and her respiratory system isn't working properly. She needs something to help her breath, like wrote in chapter 2

“And the sad things in that month were when his mother came here and her condition was not good. Lay down in a weakness, with a pale face, she had no hair anymore, and very thin. I’m about want to crying at that time, but I don’t want to cry in front of his father, so I hold my tears. I just am wondering his feelings at that moment.

I wrote already in chapter when his mom is gone. Well is never been easy when our parents pass away, especially our mom. To be honest I can’t imagine how my life would be if my mom gone. I know his really hurt and never be healing. That’s why he changed, not much but not bit either after his mom died. He is more sensitive, screw up, I really have no idea with him at that time, but I promise to myself that I always be with him no matter what.

When May comes, I’m thinking about sent him a birthday cake, because I wouldn’t be there. I asked my older cousin to sent him a cake, I’ll pay it latter when I come to Jakarta. And you know what? in his birthday, my other older cousin was giving a birth, I have a new niece, I become a aunt that’s funny, it’s a girl and her name is Naura. Naura has a same birthday date with Adit.

In June, there was another school break, and it was so long that I couldn’t stand by staying at home and do nothing. So I decided to take a silly scout camp, that’s just a reason for my parents to allow me going to Jakarta.

I Miss Him So Much

In that month, it was my birthday too at 24th, well unfortunately he couldn’t make it, and he has to do something. So I celebrate with my best friend asa and fifi, and the next day I meet him, as usual we went to cinema and eat, I have to get in the camp the next day, so I’m going to meet him after the scout camp is over.

The scout camp wasn’t really bad at all, it quite fun. In the middle week of scout camp, my friend told me that he saw Adit with another girl in Pim. At first I wasn’t really believe my friend, but I checked by called his house, and it’s true, he is in Pim right now. I freaking out at that time, I text him madly. My friend Della knew that something wrong with me, and he absolutely knew it must be Adit was making a trouble. I’m not really in the mood, but I have to listened the seminar at that time. Adit text me, he said that he really disappointed because I’m not trusted him. He said that he was in Pim not only with that girl, but with his other friend. I didn’t know with whom I’m gonna believe in, my friend who probably tell the truth or my own boyfriend who has a player label in his self.

After that entire problem, I was sick, not really sick but I didn’t feel well. I lose my appetite and absolutely I lose my weight which is I like that. I told him that I was sick and lose my appetite in that camp. He knew that I’m still mad because of that problem, and begging me to eat and convince me that nothing happened between him and that girl. He promise to pick me up after the camp and took me to the idol show. I think he felt guilty and want to pay that. He really pick me up to the camp, and guess what? as usual he still act cold. He didn’t say a single word in car until the half way to my home. Finally I lay in his shoulder and he holds me too, we both knew that we have to forget that thing, he kiss my forehead gently. On my way home, without talking too much I forgive him and forget it all. But I never know whose telling the truth, my friend or him?

On the next day, he let me took a rest because my voice almost fade away. The two next day he took me to his mom grave which is I asked him for a long time. There we were, in his mom grave, he told me what I have to do in that grave, pray. put a flower and water. At that moment I just don’t believe that his mom was gone, even though me and his mom wasn’t really close, but I just felt terribly sorry. After mourn, he took me to his house to meet his younger sister and brother. I’m having a good time with them, his sister Indi asked me to cook spaghetti and called their grandmother to buy some ingredients. I cooked spaghetti when his grandmother came, and everyone in his house like it, he said that my food taste quite same like his mom.

The next two days we went to cinema, and he asked me to come with him to barbeque party in his friend’s house. Actually I don’t feeling it because I really don’t know his friend at all, but he begging to me to come. When we came, he introduce me to his friends, the boy quite warm, but I don’t really like the girls, they seems don’t like me. After about 1 and half hour I asked him to take me home. The last two day in Jakarta, he took me to the idol show, he is the idol crew actually, but at that day he is off, so he could company me. Weirdly he didn’t want just sit down beside me and watching the show, he wants to walk around the show, but I asked him to just sit down, and again he act cold all night because he didn’t like it. And as usual he said sorry. Too many sorry I thought.

The school break was over, and I came back to my real life. As usual we just text, chat and call each other. Nothing happened in past 3 months, just like usual couple fight and then made it. There is a huge problem at that time, because of snake, the snake that never even exists. One day in the afternoon, we chat like usual, and he told me that he’s planning to having a snake as a pet. I don’t like snake at all, I hate snake and now he’s planning to having it. I really mad at him until I said something to him that makes him really hurt. He’s really hurt, he didn’t talk to me for over 1 month. Until he realizes that I’m right, I have to telling him when he did bad things, and we made it again for a thousand times.

The next month, when he treat me sweetly, when we were just ok. Something happened, a girl came to me in facebook, and she said that she is Adit’s girlfriend. I become freaking out anymore, I’m exhausted of his game, his back up girl, and his behavior. That girl also text me and sent me messages in facebook to discuss all those things, but I don’t want to, I’d prefer to ignore her, and don’t want to hurt anymore.

As usual I NEVER knew the truth about that girl, who is she?

After he said sorry (again) to me and I forgive him (again), I forget all those behind, I don’t want to talk about it. I have a big exam in the next month, so I don’t want every single things bother me, I prefer pretending that everything is alright. At that month I came to Jakarta to taking care of my college things, and we meet, he picked me up at the airport and meets my mom too.

The final exam was finished, and we’re just like planning what we are going to do when I come to Jakarta, I’m planning that I going to stay in Jakarta about 1 month to take a driving lesson and communication lesson. One night, suddenly he told me something important. He’s going to run away from his home, he’s going to leave his family, he couldn’t stand anymore with his home condition. I have no idea what in his mind, I told him like a thousand times that he still need his family to live on. He is just a stubborn at that time, I don’t know what happened to him. He said to me that I would never meet him anymore because tomorrow he’s going to run away. He’s just trying to take my attention at that time, he’s not really run away and probably he has a family crisis at that time.

The tomorrow night, suddenly he show up in Msn and asking what is his reward for not being run away from home. I said that he got his precious family and me.

He promises to me that he will pick me up at the airport when I’m coming to Jakarta. That night before I leave Singapore, he calls me and said that his driver was not there, so probably his father and he will pick me up. I don’t know what I’m going to do, I want him to picking me up, but I also shame on his father. The next day before my plane were taking off, I called him and he said that his father, sister, and brother will also picking me up. Gosh, his whole family is going to pick me up at the airport, I’m really pleased to hear that. I love he and his family more.

I’m having a good time at Jakarta, I’m taking a driving and communication lesson. I’m also hanging around with him a lot, but we also fight two times at that time. First we fight about him, I mad at him because he’s not register at the college yet. He really doesn’t care about his school stuff, I mean his college. Second, we fight about his secret job. He was joining in multi level marketing, actually I don’t really care wether he’s joining that stuff or not, I just don’t like it when he’s keeping secret behind me. I spend the rest of my holiday with him. One day when his sister birthday and planning to celebrate it, I came to his house and helping his sister to pick her outfit. In her sister birthday party we escape from the party to walk and talk each other, I never tought that that night is the last time I’d see him.

The next day, I leave Jakarta because I had to attend my graduation. Since our last meeting, he never text, call, or chat me, except when my birthday, he’s just saying happy birthday to me. One month pass, he never call me, I don’t know why until I’m freakin out and asking his sister to told him that I worried about him.

And finally he sent me an email like this,

From Aditya Pradana
18 Juli 2009

Hey hun.
I really need to take a break with you until im settled in university
I hope u understand.
I just cleared my problem with fam.
I hope u get this message, just mail me
Love You.
Mmmuaacch XOXO

I used to take a break with him, I didn’t mind about that. As he never text me, I keep myself busy so I won’t be sad about that break. The next month I moved to Bandung because my college orientation started in a week, my family also came to Jakarta to accompany me. When I was in cinema to watch Up, he text me in randomly number and said,

“We’re broke up, I still love you, but I can’t stand with this long distance relationship anymore. I’m sorry, I love you”

I could never tell you guys what was like my feeling at that time, it broken, stab, he broke my heart into a million pieces. I really quite in front of my family, I have to pretend that nothing happen, I can’t say to my family that he dumped me, I can’t cry in front of them. He’s picking the wrong time. At night I’m crying like crazy, I called my close friend Herdy, I can’t even talk to him, I’m crying on phone. Herdy absolutely have no idea what word he’s going to say to me, and how to cheer me up. I even sent his grandmother an email about our relationship is over. I don’t really like the way he broke me, why didn’t he call me, at least it’s a bit gentle.

I would never forget him easily, we’ve been together for over two years. Even though he dumped and broke me, he made my day in two years, I never hate him. He always came to my mind and my dream after months had pass over. He never contacts me, but I’m still in contact with his sister, brother and grandmother now. I don’t know why this is all happening, but I always knew that god set this up with a purpose.

Chapter 3 L.O.V.E

what is love ?

talking about love will never ending, i mean everyone have a love story in their life.

love is unspoken, extraordinary, unconditionaly, unpredictable,and unbelievable.

i used to have love of my life

when i was in second year of high school, me and my friend created love made by pink and purple paper. i wrote in those tiny love paper like this "love is......." and i asked all of my friend in school (include some of the teacher) to fill the blank with whatever in their mind about love. it's quite unique, the answer is silly, adorable, and touching.

* i think i'm gonna do that things anymore but only for me. i'll ask everybody to write their minds about love

what is exactly the meaning of love ?

1. the first time i really fall in love when i was in junior high school, i'm in love with my own best friend. i couldn't say his name because i never told him that i really in love with him at that time.

he's not handsome *no offense, he's not rich, and he's not flirting to me

the L just came, we spent our time together in student council in our school, he's the leader and i'm kinda his assistant. we just like music and lyric, inseparable.

i always excited when i went to school everyday, and because we're in same class, i always wanted to be number 1 no matter what, to impress him.

his family love me too, i think his family love me more that his girlfriend

when i fall in love with someone, i always give a good impression to their family, i dont know why ?, but i always did

i really care about him, i think my friend noticed that. but he never love me like i did to him, maybe he love me, but not more than a sister.

2. Then i moved to singapore, i met someone else. He is my childhood friend, adit. Actually i met him when i was 3 years old. Our father took a master degree in nashville, tennesse. I remember him, but not much, only when we were playing sand together or celebrated my birthday. When i was still in jakarta, my father saidd to me that adit was here, you would be in the same school with him. Well, i didnt mind, i knew nothing about him, i never thought he would made one of my chapter in my life.

that's love of my life

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her. *notting hill

Chapter 2 About 2008

i found my old blog about my life in 2008 from friendster, quite silly but its cool

so i copy paste it in here

January 2008,, 2008 start on January,, awal tahun 2008 gw diawali dengan senyum bahagia karena akhir desember gw habiskan bersama orang tercinta setelah keluarga.. walaupun keadaan dia tidak terlalu baik cuma gw cukup bahagia mengahbiskan liburan bersama dia dan sahabat-sabahat tercinta dan siap menyambut tahun 2008… lebih segar untuk datang ke sekolah dan akhir januari saat nya untuk mengepak-ngepak barang. it’s time to moved out from my last apartment.

February 2008.. hhmm awal bulan diisi dengan menata rumah dan kamar di apartment yang baru.. well my room is longer than the previous one. . dan it was chinnese new year. CHINGAY TIME…. Parade terbesar di Singapura dalam rangka menyambut chinnese new year. well it’s not bad at all. waluapun menurut gw it’s just so..so.. and the sad things in that month was when his mother came here and her condition was not good. Terbaring lemah tak berdaya, dengan muka pucat pasi tak berambut.. sangat kurus.. pengen nangisss saat itu.. cuman gak enak ada dai2 waktu itu. jd di tahan aja.. gw aja yg bukan anaknya ngeliatnya nangis, apa lagi perasaan dia ??….

March 2008 his mom still in singpore and he planned to visited her. gw seneng karna bisa ketemu.. cuma ternyata gak jadi.. yaaa terima aja… and i went to japan that month.. sebenernya gak terlalu antusias cuma krn kita ke disneyland gw cukup antusias. entah kenapa gw tetap antusias sm hal2 yg berbau disney walaupun umur sudah tua begini,, sudah mau menginjak kepala 2 hhhahhaha…

April 2008,, tepat pada tanggal 1 April 2008. She’s gone.. her mom was gone.. saat itu gw masi ada class pada malam hari. herdy nelpon gw tp gw gak bs angkat. trus setelah selesai class gw gak mikir apa2 *palingan herdy cuman mau nanya PR ato apalah… in that time he send me message and said. ” gw turut berduka cita ya yu, salam bwat adit.” OH MY GOOD… what happen… ?? dada gw sesek.. gw langsung tlp herdy.. dan ternyata herdy bilang klo innalillahi she’s gone. pada saat itu tulang kakigw bener2 bergetar, mau nangis dan sesek.. gw sama sekali bingung what should i did in that time.. akhirnya gw cuma bs sms, krn gw ngerti dia gak bs terima tlp pada saat itu, pasti sibuk dan hatinya sakit… akhirnya gw sampein berita duka itu ke temen2.. dan mereka nitip salam ke gw utk disampein ke adit..

May 2008,, my anniversary… and his birthday too… hhhhhhhahaha nothing special in my anniversary but i send him a cake in his birthday… yaaa sedih juga gak bisa ada di hari ulang tahunnya so i send him a brithday cake.. and yg terima niniknya.. :-p,, and gw family gathering ke KL bulan mei itu.. ya not bad to have fun lahh…

June 2008,, WOW… awal bulan ujian semesteran… after that prepared for RAINAS 2008,, hhhhaha it’s crazy .. punya pikiran apa gw smpe mau ikut acara pramuka kek gituan.. sssstttt.. (dasa darma aja gw gak hafal) huahhhahha ckckkck… cuma gw pengen ngabisin liburan dgn cara yg berbeda ajaaa.. kemping sm temen2 baru…. yaaa siapa tau fun… akhirnya tepat tanggal 2 hari before my birthday i went to jakarta,, gw ngabisin hr ultah gw dengan jalan dengan sahabat2 tercinta fifi asa,, mereka temen baik gw sejak SD smpe skarang… i love you guys.. dan esoknya gw ngerayain ultah sm orang tercinta…. hhhhahhah… nothing special…. badannya makin OK,, dan tepat tgl 26 gw masuk camp hhhahah sempet tegang juga waktu itu ngeliat lautan anak pramuka…( takut di serbu .) hhhahha.. akhirnya gw ketemu sm temen2 satu kontingen.. it suposed to be less than 20 people in 1 group but we just 5.. what the hell… okok jalanin aja… malam pertama di camp semua pada terseranghomesick pada minta pulang semuaaaa… hhhahha yaa gw sih terserah aja… akhirnya bu juni minta kita tinggal 5 hari aja… ngeliat gimana nantinya.. ok.. cerita raimuna bersambung di blog yg lain…

July 2008,,,, setelah menjalani raimuna dengan bahagia gw pulang minta jemput pacar.. hhhaha.. :-).. hhhaha.. dia pertama2nya dingin bgt.. BT kali yaaa suruh jemput dr bintaro ke cibubur.. never mind akhirnya di mobil istirahat dehh.. ( senangnya..) nyampe dirumah tinggal impi indah.. sehari setelah pulang dari raimuna.. it’s time to have fun.. hhhmm hr selas gw mau ziarah ke kuburan ibu nya.. so sad… he took me to his house.. so fun,, ketemu indi, andika, ninik i love them all.. i love his fams.. and i i hope i always do. waktu itu menguji kelayakan masakan gw ke niniknya hhahaha.. she said ” enak kok, seger….” trus akhirnya dia cerita ttg apa gitu panjang lebar….. gw dengan senang hati mendengarkan “maaf ya ninik aku lupa cerita ninik”… ntar cerita lagi ya nik,, yaa dan lusa harinya kita ngabisin hari dgn nonton dan wkt itu dia ngajak gw utk makan2 dirumah temen deketnya… dan dikenalin ke temen2 nya… di saat itu juga gw ketemu hanin,, *my new friend, yg wkt itu accept gw hhhhahaahh… dan sisa hari nonton indo idol, dan berkunjung ke rumah naura(keponakan ). *fyi, naura itu ultahnya sama kek ultah dia.. 16 mei… hhhhaha.. ultah mu sama nak sm kyk om adit… and gw msti balik lg ke singpur. time was up so sad but so fun…

August 2008,,, marching time… hhahhaha dengan sukses dan bangga gw umumkan bahwa gw berhasil mengibarkan bendera merah putih di tanah orang lain *sgp… pengalam yg pertama dan tak pernah terlupakan… membawa maksudnya mengambil dan mengembalikan bendera merah putih dari dan ke duta besar singapura pada saat itu.

September 2008,, fasting time,,, berpuasa seperti biasanya…. nothing special sih di bulan ini,,, cuma di bulan ini ada beberapa orang yang ngambek bgt sm gw… hhhahaha never mind.. oya fyi,, welan ketua kelas gw meminta gw untuk menuliskan namanya di blog ini… karna dia telah mengayomi gw selama 2,5 tahun sebagai ketua kelas yang baik.. hhhaha iya deh wel, sebisa mungkin dengan lapang dada gw memasukkan nama lw ke blog gw.. okok sedikit ttg welan gw sebutin krn dibulan ini gakada yg menarik.. welan itu sosok lelaki yang tampan, rupawan, memikat hati *huekk peace wel,, yaa gw akuin welan emang ganteng gak ada dia gak rame di kelas.. dan anak baru slalu jd sasaran dia.., ada satu anak yg gak tahan sm sikap welan hhhah tapi gini2 welan banyak yg naksir lhoo.. banyak yg ngirimin hadiah ke welan.. hhahha udh yaa wel,, ntar lagi nyambung…

October 2008,, holiday time.. i went to my grandma’s house.. yaappp kumpul time… dan wisata kuliner.. semua makanan di padang gw kasih nilai dan ada dokumentasinyaa hhhaha mak nyoss… tp suasana di padang udh gak enak,, seiring dengan umur gw yg udh gak “polos” lagi jd gw mengetahui semua masalah keluarga besar dari mama,, bahkan sepertinya gw di tarik2 mau di rekrut ke kubu A atopun kubu B.. gak deh makasihh.. ada hal lain yang lebih penting gw urusinnn… dan bulan oktober gw hampir berpisah ato mengakiri hubungan gw dengan dia,, sedihnya… dan untungnya cuman hampir…at last he said that “i’m the precious things that he has” so sweet.. so pesan mamanya dia harus mempertahankan sesuatu yg berharga yg dia punya… thanks tante,, i love you…

November 2008,, bulan yg seharusnya gw mengunjungi jogja tp krn gak lulus test final i dont got it,, (tuhan masih sayang sm seseorang dengan gak mengizinkan gw ke jogja )….. oyaaa,, bulan itu gw harus galak ke ade ade kelass,, LDKS time…. jujur gw susah untuk marah,, tapi berhubung welan (tuh wel, nama lw gw sebut lagi ) meminta gw dgn sangat untuk dingin mode,, ok lahh.. gw usahain.. dan lucunya pulang LDKS gw masih sempet ke EXPO utk berburu CROCS.. salah satu merek sendal jepit ter elit yg gw tau,, gelo aja sendal yg bahannya dari karet dan bentuknya yang konyol namun jd trendseter *heh,, bener gak ni tulisannya. harganya selangit… okok harga normalnya disini $53.90 yg klo dirupiahin bisa Rp 377.300 jujur untuk harga sendal jepit itu gak normal. tp ternyata setelah gw coba pewe juga tuh sendal dna pada waktu di EXPO itu sale CROCS gede gdean,, cuma $20-$25 gila gak,. dengan kalap gw mengambil semua yg cocok sm gw gak lupa juga cocok buat dia. gw pasti akan slalu inget untuk beliin dia sesuatu. gak mikir muat apa gak ato suka apa gak,, yang penting beli dulu,, murah..murah.. hhhahaha walaupun pd waktu itu gw lg BETE sm dia.. hhhaha *BT masi inget ja yaa, tuh betapa aku menyayangimu….

December 2008,, desember kelabu ato blue december… 1. gw gak lulus UNPAr, 2. kita break. 3. bokap rese. 4. liburan bosen, gak bisa ketemu orang2 tercinta.. pdhl kan kita mau masak ya ndi,, km kangen masakan aku kan ??? hhhaha *pede.. oya bulan ini gw nonton twilight 3 kali.. hhhahaha… saking stress nya… dan gw juga ngirim semua lamaran gw ke semua univ saking takut nya gak dapet kuliah nanti… ada sedikit hal2 yang cukup mengagetkan gw desember ini… hhhmmm pertama gw bakal sering ketemu sama keluarganya di facebook karena mostly mereka punya facebook, ninik sm dai2 juga punya… sampai sepupunya yang kelas 3SD juga punya .. ok never mind… pas malem malem gw lagi chating tiba2 ada yg nyapa gw sepupunya yang gw kasih nama samarannya bel…. bel : haii,, kakak kenal mas adit yaa ?? bel : iya, haii salam kenal yaaa bel : iya, kakak kenal mbak indi juga ? ayu : iya, kamu sepupunya mas adit kan ya ? bel : iya, lhoo kok kakak tau aku… ayu : iya, kamu kan yang suka kefoto bareng sm mas adit kan. bel : iya, jangan cemburu yaa ayu : hahah gak lah,, abis km cantik bgt sii. bel : kakak ini sebenernya siapanya mas adit siii ?? sejenak gw mikir,, gw mesti jawab apaa yaaa,, nih orang gw juga baru kenal.. trus apa dia ngerti artinya pasangan atau pacar yaa ? mau bilang temen emang bukan temen,, mau dibilang pacar gw useless bgt jadi pacar, pacaran 6 bulan sekali. huaaaa gimana nihh,, akhirnya dengan gentle gw jawab ayu : iya, aku pacarnya bel : cieeee….. mas adit love mbak ayu ayu : hhahaha thanks ya cantik… blablabla banyak lah yg kita omongin smpe smpe dia bilang gini… bel : kakak selingkuh yaa ?? ayu : HECH ??, sama siapa ?? bel: iya, kt nya kakak selingkuh jadinya mas adit lebih milih pacarnya yang di indonesia drpd yg di singapur… ayu : HECH ( nih anak polos jujur apa gimana siii ??) aku gak selingkuh kok.. tp by the way emang mas adit punya pacar lagi di sana *sok cool gitu gw.. pdhl hati udah panas. bel : iya, punya, trus kan aku punya no kakak trus aku cek inbox nya mas adit ada inbox mas adit “my honey” tapi no nya beda sm no kakak. ayu : ahh masa… itu no aku kali yang indonesia, aku kan juga punya no indonesia itu no aku kali yang indonesia. bel : ooohh iya ya… terus aku juga pernah liat foto kakak sm mas adit di mejanya, cieee…. tp ada foto cewek lain juga lhooo… ayu : hechhh,,, (*nih anak buat gw parno , jantungan… mau nya apa siii ?? cie cie tp bikin down) hhhmmm fotonya yang mas adit lagi botak gak ? yang ada di JCO. bel : iya,, bener.. kok tau… ayu : ( hayah,, capek dehhh itu kan foto gw yang lagi sedikit chubby, dan foto itu jg pernah gw pasang di friendster) oooo iya, itu mah aku say,, emang agak beda lebih ndut an dikit. bel : ooo iyaya hhahahaah,, kakak pernah kerumah ninik ?? ayu : gak, tapi ketemu ninik pernah masak tapi dirumah nya mas adit. bel : OOOO brarti bener mas adit punya pacar yang lain,, kt nya sering di bawa ke rumah ninik masak. ayu : HAA ??, kamu yakin ?? ( nih anak enak bgt yaa ngomongnya.. ) bel : iya yakinnnnn,, seratus persennn…. yaudah gw akhirin aja tuh “perbincangan” … nangis gw abis itu… gila yaa gw bisa di tangisin anak klas 3 SD dengan cara omongan doang.

1. stress masalah ujian/sekolah/masa depan. 2. Stress masalah adit dan sepupunya akhirnya besoknya gw tanya sm indi.. ayu : ndi, mas adit selingkuh ya ?? indi : haahh ?? gak tuhh ayu : kata aqua mas adit punya pacar lagii trus sering dibawa kerumah ninik blablablablab *untung indi sabar mengadapi gw. indi : yaampunn kakak,, aqua dipercayaaa,, aku dibilang hamil sama dia kakak percaya juga ?? ayu : haa ? serius ndi, jd aqua jgn di percaya ?? indi : ya iyalah kakak…. aduh nih yaa… dia itu s** t**, c****, n******* omongan anak kecil kakak percaya siiii,, her imagination is WILD, masa aku dibilang hamil. tenang kak, mas adit tuh sayang banget sm kakak,, aku smpe bosen dengerin dia cerita kakak teruss hheheh peace.. ayu : (udah agak meninggi percaya diri gw) oya ? masa ? emang dia cerita apa aja ?? indi : mas adit suka cerita how much he loves you… yaaa kyk gini “kangen nih sm kak ayu, i love her blablabla…” saking bosennya aku smpe sering ke toilet. hhahaha ayu : tapi ndi, aku dapet informasi sm temen2 nya klo mas adit jalan sm cewek lain ??!!?!?! indi : ooo itu,, iya aku kenal sm tuh cewek, dia itu best friendnya mas adit, tenang aja kak nothing more than it. kyk aku juga punya best friend cowok. malah mas adit suka cerita2 ttg kakak ke best friendnya itu. ayu : temennya pernah ke rumah ? cantik ?? indi : iya, tp ke kamar ku kok, gak kok menurut ku gak cantik. ayu : ok ndi, thanks berattt.. i trust you indi : okok… hahhaha penjelasan dari indi cukup menenangkan gw. masalah adit clear sejenak… datang lagi masalah keluarga yang bener2 buat gw down. kira2 sebulan nyokap gw pergi, 2 minggu ke jkt dan 2 minggu ke padang krn nenek gw sakit dan karena nyokap gw satu2 nya anak perempuan makanya she has to take care her mom, tp yang bikin semuanya jd berantakannn adalah rumah yang berantakan karena gak ada pembantu.. dan pada awal2 nyokap pergi bokap gw gak pernah mau bantuin sama sekali, dan bersikeras ngotot gak mau sewa pembantu *gw membela diri bahwa pekerjaan rumah adalah bukan kewajiban gw seutuhnya. okok,, liburan gw gak di bolehin ke jkt denga alasa blablabla… gw terima… dengan berharap gw bebas melakukan apa yg gw mau disamping belajar juga. gw mengharapkan liburan yang seperti anak normal lain lakukan. bangun siang, mandi klo mau pergi, main, jalan2 dan gw emang gak lupa juga buat belajar. gak lama kemudian pagi2 disaat gw lagi mimpi2 dan berusaha mengartikan mimpi gw DAR DAR DAR DAR….. bokap bangunin gw udah kyk TAHANAN PENJARA. gimana gak sakit hati gw.. pusing lahh dibangunin kyk gituuu… disuruh belajar pagi2 *sorry it’s not my style… gak tau kenapa gw susah klo disuruh blajar pagi2 kecuali sekolah. karena emang gw suka tidur malem klo liburan. *maaf yaa.. dunia perCHATingan baru ramai saat malam hari kira2 jam10 11 disini. masa gw mau disuruh tidur jam segitu, masi sore… mau chating sm anak balita gw… gw beranggapan mereka masih menganggap gw anak bayi yang tidur jam 8-9 malam bangun jam 7 pagi. trus tidur siang nantinya. aduhh… heloo… gw tumbuh man… bukan anak kecil kesayangan mu lagi yang bisa diatur-atur layaknya mainan the sims. *tapi satu hal yang perlu kita ketahui, klo mau aman financial smpe kuliah mendingan ikutin aja kt ortu lw, ikutin kemauan mereka. sabar.. sabar.. aja… emang kadang kita gak sepikiran sm mereka, waluapun kita darah daging mereka. gw yang stress ngadepin ujian bukannya dapet tidur cukup, kebahagiann, dukungan malah dapet depresi berat. udah nyokap melaw melow terussss alhasil jadilah tiap pagi gw mesti ngerelain air mata gw keluar.. utk hal apa saja…. satu hal kenapa siii mereka cuma bisa memandang dari sisi penglihatan mereka aja, manusia itu beda2 man.. punya hak asasi tersendiri apalagi buat mereka yang susah memiliki kartu tanda penduduk.. so please… hargain pilihan gw… i know what the best for me. oya hari ini tgl 31 desember, pas bgt gw nulis ini blog, ( gw gak ngerti mesti cerita ke siapa lagii, gw yakin temen2 deket gw pasti dah bosen denger cerita2 gw yg itu2 aja ) dengan mata masi sangat mengantuk tp gak bisa tidur banyak pikiran. kyknya malem ini gw gak ikut tahun baruan,,dirumah aja.. lagi males ngapa2in.. mau merenung aja… how to make simple….

yahhh mudah2an 2008 ini gw akhirin dengan yang terbaik…..

Chapter 1 Me me me me and me

who am i ???

to love someone else, you have to love yourself first

to know someone else, you have to know yourself better that anyone know you

1. i'm just a kinda ordinary girl that have a big dream in my life

2. i was born in 1991, june 24th... in jakarta

3. i have a great warm family that love me so much

4. i have a great dad who always gave me whatever i wanted no matter how hard that's could be

5. i have a great mom who always caring me since she had me untill now, and she always stand by my side no matter what

6. i have a nice younger sister that truly love me, even she wont ever say "i love you sis", but i know she does.

7. i have so many best friend since i was in kindergarten till now, i'm in college.

they are my treasure endlessly.

8. i have a nice life, i finished my high school and go to college ( not everyone has a change to get a higher education) which is i'm so lucky

9. i always in the middle, i mean i'm not stupid but not too smart. i'm healthy "so healthy", you must know what i mean : P

10. i have a passion in music, i like songs and i like to sing, and i can play one of the instrument. my friend said that i have a nice voice literally

11. my friend said that how lucky i am, i could have all i want, i can buy anything what i want

12. i like to eat and cook, that's exactly why i'm fat lols : P

13. i love bags and shoes like the others girls

14. i like shopping, i can't hold a lot of money in my hand. those money would disappear in just one click, and dad would kill me : )

15. i used to have a nice, gorgeous, and smart boyfriend. now he's gone *i'll explain later

16. like everyone else, i have a big reverie

17. i literally love disney so much (no offence) even i'm not in that ages anymore. i always excited when i went to disneyland, i never skipped disney on ice since 2007. i'll anything to watch that show no matter what.

me me me me me and me

life

hi.. this is my first blog

i like to write when something happend in my life

i'm trying to write my blog in english, actually i'm not really good in writing.

but i try my best

life is unique and unpredictable

life is mystery

we can't expect something, or someone

it just happened no matter what

every chapter in our life has a problem that we have to solve

and every problem has a good lesson that we'll learn from that to face another lesson

everyone have to pass their problem to get to the next level of their chapter of life

just be grateful to everything we have, no matter you are